Saturday, June 11, 2005

Romance part of the week...

Wednesday Night

It had been 3 days since I last heard from him. Shall not disclose his name, cos none of my friends knew. Let me see.. give him a nick.. can't think of it.. anyone with a suggestion, just let me know. Okay, back to blogging... It's been 3 days, I thought it was weird. So I sent a goodnight sms. Ok. I got a reply.


Thursday Afternoon

Next day, he called me at 4pm, trying to tell me, he had some sort of liking in me. Why would he do that when we only know each other for like.. a week or so? *shrugs* MSN him that night and kind of curious to know the reason why. The answer was "It's the feeling. The feeling was right." I was like (-.-!!!). Want to know my feelings? Too fast. Everything was too fast. I'm not ready for commitment. I'm not ready to be in relationship. I'm used to my single and carefree lifestyle.


Friday Night

We planned to meet tonight. He took a day off, cos he went to chill out the night before. During lunch, he called and suggested to catch "Mr and Mrs Smith". I agreed. Then I thought he would plan for the day. End up he went on to sleep, until I knock off and reached hall, he hadn't gotten back to me. Argh... When he called, then I got to know that he never planned anything. I thought the minimum was to decide a location, book the tickets. It was until after I showered then I received another call saying that he couldn't access the gv website. Argh! I got to do the bookings etc. I'm so tired from work, and I still need to do all these things! Argh!!!! *frustrated*


My Thoughts

Ok.. I'm quite pissed, I agree. I'm not those girls with soft characters, and you say,"Go shower, else so dirty and sweaty.." Then I will go shower. I will shower cos I'm very hot. I'm not those that when you say,"Stop biting your nails!" Then I will stop. I'm someone with my own opinion. I'm not any others that you say what means what. I shunned away cos I no need someone to control me, not that I'm angry. I'm probably just pissed. I don't need you to say sorry and whatever. That's not what I want. I say I headache doesn't mean I need attention. I was purely tired. What's wrong with headache? A headache doesn't mean I need a hand round my shoulder, a pat or whatever. Everything seemed so dramatic, like show like that. WTH? I'm too old for romantic and sweet-nothings.

I guess I'm too used to uncommitted relations with my closer guy friends. I hadn't been attached, cos guys in my life, come and go. They didn't commit. That was probably something sad to me, as these guys that come and go, most of them are ones that I didn't mind taking the friendship to the next level. Being physically close, no longer needed to be out of affection. Sometimes, it was just comforting to have someone to give a pat, or a hug or whatever. But this someone, needed not to be someone I love. This someone could be any guy. I had many friends who can lend me their shoulder to cry on. Note the word 'many' was not cos I meant that I'm popular. 'Many' was because, I had good friends that will be there for me, when I need them, vice versa. But different times, will have different people, cos not everytime, the same person will be free for me.

I am not I used to be. Just know you for a day, next day, we are in a relationship. That was me, 7 or 8 years ago, when I was in secondary school. That was definitely not the me, at the present. I may seem a stubborn girl, but I will definitely listen to things that are reasonable. If it was a few years back, I probably may just fall for a guy for can treat me nice. Now, it's not nice that I want. I need a companion for life. Not simply you like me, I will make an effort to fall in love with you too.

I need someone who can COMMUNICATE with me. I had experienced what's love. I know what is the real feeling of being loved. I've lost once, cos I chose to experience more things rather than to be tied down when I was merely 19 or 20. I've came across another time, but it was never meant to be, cos the guy was attached. Putting him in a month or two of turmoil, he left. I also felt that a union, in the expense of a separation, will not be blessed, instead, it will be cursed and condemned. I know how it feels to be in love. There surely wasn't such feelings at the moment.

It's hard falling in love... For the past few days, any slightest thought or consideration of me getting in a relationship, there was this echo saying "NO!" Let alone if it was a thought of getting in a relationship with this guy. "NO NO NO NO NO!!"

I probably don't know what I really want for Mr Right, but I definitely know what I don't want now. I don't want to be committed to something I will not have time for. At the moment, I just want to know more friends, and learn more about different lifestyle. If widening social circle always mean being bothered by guys, I rather remained to be lone-ranger. Agreeing to go out with him = leading him on? I think that I really did led him on. Probably when time is right, I ought to tell him, and convey the correct message across.

sugary sweet savouring @ 2:00 AM |



7 Comments:

  • At Sunday, June 12, 2005 6:32:00 PM, Blogger juz a little gurl said…

    ello missy

    hee... ur post sooooooooo long.
    LOL. anyway, juz to update ya tt NUS 25-yr-old cute guy is ATTACHED. I'm so sad.
    NVM. as u say, I'm a "flower-heart". So I shall look for new ones! muahahahaha!!

    hee.. somehow.. u N i are similar when it comes to guys. tsk tsk.
    hee... wanna go MAMbo this wed?
    I'm gg with some of my frens. :)

     

  • At Monday, June 13, 2005 6:56:00 AM, Blogger Callie said…

    a guy who cannot even be bothered to plan a date in advance is just plainly useless!!

    Mei!! Don't commit to such an idiot unless he shows himself worthy of your commitment ok!! My mei is a great girl and unless someone shows that he is worth you... don't!!!

    JIA YOU! and take care lor...

     

  • At Monday, June 13, 2005 8:39:00 PM, Blogger Susie said…

    juz a little gurl >>
    hmm.. i beg to differ.. So what if the guy is attached? i dun care.. i dun wana get attached anyway.. if he's gg to derail, he should not worth.. if he's not, he's a gd fren afterall..

    "flower heart" shd be me, had a just-do-it mentality.. u never how things will turn out unless u tried to be together.. now.. probably still got the same kind of attitude, but was to the fling stage rather than bf.. lolx

     

  • At Monday, June 13, 2005 8:41:00 PM, Blogger Susie said…

    ichigo >>

    Ya.. I was still quite sore about the planning about date.. not to say that I paid for the movie tickets too. I treated a guy who wanted to chase me, for movies, on a weekend, after the price hike! How interesting.. I'm really feeling very sore... lolx..

     

  • At Monday, June 13, 2005 9:46:00 PM, Blogger juz a little gurl said…

    haha! I dunch wanna create trouble ma... hee.. tho I got him on my friendster le. But won't be seeing tt guy la.

    When I say similar when it comes to guys, I meant the kinda wanna be single n UNREStriCTed. But maybe have some flings? LOLx.

     

  • At Thursday, June 16, 2005 11:26:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey hey, happened to read ur blog todae. Wa, this guy is not a gentleman leh! Boh sim one, jio u go watch movie, stil expect u to book tickets n u pay some more ah! I hoped he bot a dinner or something..

    Next time, he asks u out again, u tell him "okay, in his dreams lor" since he like to zzz so much.

     

  • At Monday, June 20, 2005 5:40:00 PM, Blogger Susie said…

    longest temp!

    I didn't know you'll be reading this.. u reminds me of the locked-in toilet story... lolx..

    hmm.. i just realised i gave that little acct on what happened on that particular friday.. probably i will post it up soon.. it's more than the movie planning part..

     

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