Thursday, July 21, 2005

FOC Day 3 and 4 - Overdosaged

Lately, I felt "overdosed" by certain friends. *troubled, frownz, shrugz* Tolerance level was really very low. Sometimes I just decided to lose myself from a group of people just to break away and breathe. There was a point where I really felt that I'm turning blue, running out of oxygen. Lots of thoughts occured during these days. I knew I was suffocated. But couldn't blog about it partly cos they probably will be reading it, and partly I guess it was trivial, and lastly, I probably couldn't remember it. I could only remember that feeling. Was it my memory? Or was it... I couldn't think of other things?

Most of the time, I was wondering was it me that was something wrong? Sometimes, I just wanted to be alone, but sometimes, even being alone, I felt "overdosed" by me, myself, yours truly. What's wrong with me?!

I felt I was always speaking of nonsensical things. I felt that I was redundant. I felt that my conversation was never existent. I felt that my conversation was redundant. Was I crapping? It was worse than crap I felt. I really felt like sewing up my mouth. I wasn't speaking. I was just making noise. No point hearing what I say. Am I not myself lately? Hmm.. By the way, who am I? I don't even know.

Are humans all self-centred? I needed my fair share of existence to be felt too. I felt invisible. I wanted some attention too. But not the wrong attention. If it was the wrong attention, meaning not the attention I want, then, I wouldn't even want any in the first place. Just let me be invisible. I wonder if I'm just wasting the oxygen that I'm breathing, and wasting the resources that kept me alive. I'm just a walking body. I'm living without a purpose. The way I lived, had never been my choice. By the way, what was my choice? Do I have a choice? Am I being nonsensical again?

There is never right or wrong to anything in life, huh? Is there? What is the right thing to do, and what is the wrong thing to not to do? Sometimes, life is really meaningless. Or maybe it is really meaningless?!

sugary sweet savouring @ 11:06 PM |



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