Sunday, August 28, 2005

What's wrong with my mum?

What was wrong with my mum?

Yesterday was the quarrel over the academic stuff. Today, I simply showed her Joo's blog and the photos for the supper. Guess what was her reaction? She asked me to quick get a boyfriend. I really wondered if she eyed on any guy in the photo. What was really wrong with her? Yes. I believe with a boyfriend, my studies would sure to stabilise. I mean, a right boyfriend. But hello? I am already like.. one of the 4 super seniors in our hall.. If you didn't know who were the four, it would be the dog, the cat and the frog. Yah.. I'm the elephant, if any of the older batches would know. Ok.. Our hall sounded like a zoo now. Back to my frustrations... I feel so old in here. I even feel expired, though there are really guys who are the same age, if not older than me here. Impossible. I had already shut myself out from guys I think. No No NO NO NO! NO WAY! It's been a year plus since I had close guy friends.

Platonic friendship only occurs when I meet the guy once in a blue moon. A very good example was Leo. We would only meet up once in 3 months? or 6 months? I could never forget what he said to me that time about my dressing. I never seemed to dress up to meet him. Girls he went out with would always spend time in the toilet, touching up on make-up and stuff. I wouldn't. Going out with him, I already treated him like an old friend. I didn't feel the need to dress up. Instead I even thought that, cos we already knew each other for so long, I can dress really down to meet him. Image doesn't really matter, does it? Well.. I really lost touch of image and stuff. Really.

Platonic friendship will always turn sour or bad, or even became an ambiguous relationship, if I get too close to whichever guy. I never understand why. Why can't I have really buddies? Even if buddies, there will always be factors, like jealous girlfriends, that make us not so buddy after some time. Friendship with guys are tiring and exhausting, and disappointing. I rather shy away, or even turn a cold shoulder now. Now, I would even be worried that turning a cold shoulder, would become a habit. I feel like a porcupine. Don't come near me or I would prick.

Haiz.. As if I really didn't want a boyfriend. I really want to have one. Just that there wasn't the ONE for me. I wouldn't open up to anyone that easily. I can talk about anything and everything. But there will always be a corner of secrets deep inside me, that not many would know. Probably 1 knows this half of the secrets, the other knows this quarter, but no one would know the full secrets. My family was the worst. Secrets? No way to them. If you notice under my wishlist in my side bar.. I really wished to have a Significant Other. I really want to double my happiness. I really want to spend my time with him. I really want to have endless conversation with him. But who will him be? *cries*

What's my criteria? I seriously, don't know. So long the feeling is right, and he practical and realistic to a certain extent. Romance? Practical and realistic guy would show the romance in his unique way. My eldest brother was probably one of the cases. He was someone who DIY some gifts, and it would seemed "romantic" or cos it was DIY, it would seemed sincere, but actually one of the reasons for DIY-ing was, the cost wouldn't be expensive.

"Romeo... Romeo.. Where art thou Romeo?"

Please, mother... I wasn't exactly feeling torturous being single... But you made me feel torturous whenever you say such thing. Last time when I was attached, 3 or 4 years ago, it was my family giving the torturous feeling. They always wanted me to invite him back for dinner, and time after time, he just refused. Due to communication breakdown, it was either I didn't ask his reason of refusal, or he simply said he was busy. It was so torturous coming back every weekend, and being asked why I didn't bring anyone along. This family had always been giving me torurous feelings, even though you all didn't know that you actually did it.

sugary sweet savouring @ 2:25 PM |



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