Friday, January 06, 2006

What kind of guys are the most attractive?

Was going home from hall with Yeomin..

This was a question that popped out from dearest Yeomin's mouth.
Not too sure where she heard it from..

Someone asked a photographer..

What kind of guys are the most attractive?


The photographer's answer..

Chivalrous guys.

Yeomin and I agreed...


Girls.. Women..
All these years..
They had been struggling for equality between sexes..
But ultimately..
When they meet chivalrous guys..
There's tendency for them to melt and soften..
What's more than being pampered in the way you like?
What's more than being taken care of?
What's more than the feeling of security in the arms of guys u loved?


- CHIVALROUS = ATTRACTIVE? -- CHIVALROUS = ATTRACTIVE? -- CHIVALROUS = ATTRACTIVE? -


Whatever..

I had enjoyed singlehood for very long..
Last bf's timeline was from Mar/Apr to May/June 02
Last fling's timeline was from May to July/Aug 04
Last met-up with one of the flings Aug/Sep 05

Intention to meet up any of them..?
Not at the moment..
Tired of being doted and having the attention I want..
Yet.. Not the commited kind..
No point of wasting time..
Feeling old..
Time seemed running out..

One lousy weakness of mine..
People will fade in my memory as time passes..
Up to date..
There are these 3 people that I couldn't get my mind off them..
The only thing I could remember was...
The scene that they hugged me..


- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS -- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS -- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS --


THE FIRST HUG...

First was my DD..
I remembered I was in my year one..
I was really tired, tackling some of the CAC stuffs that night..

There he was, standing at his door..
I had just stepped out of his room.
And was about to leave for my room..
Then I stopped, and looked at him..

I said I needed a hug..
Then I walked a step closer..
And hugged him tight..

It was so comforting...
An event so insignificant..
But just gave me strength and energy to move on..


- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS -- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS -- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS --


SECOND HUG...

Second was a fling..
Whom many on my level even mistaken as my bf..
I told him something..
Which until now.. I thought I was quite cool..

I told him..
Everyone on my level had mistook him as my bf..
If you are interested to take the friendship to the next level..
Just let me know..
I'm okay about it anytime..
Just need to let me know..
I won't feel committed to him so long as he didn't say anything..
And he said.. Okay..

Oh well..
We never got the friendship to the next level..
Which is not bad..
Cos I believed that he's someone who couldn't give me security..
Anyway, he was just a big flirt..
Well.. I had my fair share of fun time, flirting with him..

In 2003 Sem 1 term break..
I was rushing for my good friend, Janice's 21st birthday celebration..
I came back hall to grab some stuff..
And helped him buy his cigarettes..

My line between him and me was still quite clear in my mind then..
In my mind.. I'm always saying..
I'm not going to melt for him..
I'm still strong and my heart is not going to move a single inch..

---

He came to my room and to get the cigarettes...
I was busy dolling myself up..
And he was there..
Sitting on my computer chair.. Watching me..

A sense of awkwardness built in..
I never like the feeling of being watched..
Then I walked to him..

Didn't know why he did it..
But just gave me a hug...

A hug which I felt was telling me..

"I hope you will stay..."

Oh well... That was how I interpretted it..
That was a hug that melted me..

---

And that was why when I learned of him getting attached..
During that semester's exams..
I felt shattered..

How do I learn about it?
I could see his bed through his window..
When I was standing at my corridor..
There.. I see him and her..

---

Well.. If not for the hug...
I probably wouldn't be that affected...


- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS -- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS -- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS --


THE THIRD HUG...

The third hug was from someone..
That we were never meant to be..
The start of everything started on a mistake..
So.. Everything was a mistake..
Immersing deeper caused it to be a bigger mistake..

I can't remember what happened..
I could only remember that day..
He was working overtime..
That was why we met quite late at Taka..
He needed to get some work wear using the Taka discounts then..

When we baded goodbye..
We went to this area in the walkway to Somerset MRT..
And there.. it was like a hug to say goodbye..

Don't ask me why I remembered it..
I didn't know why too...
I only remembered he wore either dark grey top or black top with pants..
Weird things that I remember..

---

Anyway, thanks to Leo..
Who so happened to call me and meet me up..
When I was really upset then..
Thanks for lending me a shoulder to cry on..
It's been long since I cry this way..
I couldn't stop my tears from flowing..

I can't believe that I didn't stopped myself..
From making more mistakes..
When I clearly knew that..
It was mistake from the start..


- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS -- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS -- THE UNFORGETTABLE HUGS --


Whatever..

Everyone makes mistakes...
Mistakes are valuable lessons to be learnt..
I clearly know what I don't want know..
Please fuck off if you don't wish to be serious..

I'm too used to singlehood..
Too used to be alone, independent..
Hiding in my own secured corner..

Any intrusion would be tough and hard..
I might end up running away?
I'm afraid of turing soft..

Turning soft made me feel that I'm losing my independency..
Turning soft made me feel weak..
Made me feel vulnerable..

NO! No! NO!
I'm scared of being vulnerable...
I might just roll up like a porcupine and prick..


As for interested parties..
My advice is.. No guessing games..
My principle..
So long as no clear intention made known..
I will never commit and hurt myself unnecessarily.

Melt me only when you are serious..
Else please just fuck off..

sugary sweet savouring @ 8:50 PM |



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