Saturday, May 27, 2006

YOU'VE GOT COMPETITION?!

There was something that was in my mind..
Something echoed in my head for sometime..

"You've got competition..."
Though I can say, yes.. I knew there's competition..
Cos I had a great sixth sense..

But... "You've got competition..."
Somehow I felt a sense of disgust..
It's probably fair to know about competition..
But the way as it sounds..
That was totally disgusting way of putting it..
I'm someone who's competitive in nature..
But I never liked being competitive..
I didn't like the sentence..

Many girls upon hearing this..
Probably may panicked, and like.. who the hell is the competition?
I did asked who, and of course knowing that I'll never know the answer..
And yeap.. Answer was definitely someone I didn't know..
Of course.. I wasn't really interested to know..

Many girls upon hearing this..
If they liked the guy so much, they will want to make themselves better, to be able to stand out from the competition and win the competition..
If they had this competitive nature, they probably forgot about how much they like this guy, and go ahead and only want to win the competition..


What should I feel?!

I feel contradicted..
I feel everything sounded bad..
That shouldn't be how love can be decided..
It's not like in the olden days where there's bi2 wu3 zhao1 qin1!!
It just sound so wrong...


Should I feel this way..?

I don't panick..
I only felt disgusted.
Yes, I liked you, but it's not that I have to compete with someone for u..
U are never to be just a trophy or what..
It sounds so wrong!!
Probably that's not what u want to hear or what..
But the mentality behind the word competition is like that, isn't it?


Should I be feeling this way..?

That..
I'm sorry, if it's going to be like a competition..?
I felt there wasn't a need to compete..
Competition means? You can't decide between two girls?
Or u just mean u are so hot that two girls are falling head over heels for u?
It feels good having the best of both world, huh?




What does competition mean?
It's totally an ugly word..
Yucks! Yucks! Yucks!

It's not about winning and losing, is it?
Cos if I'm going to do anything more or special..
I worry that I will lose myself if I were to lose such a competition..
Yes.. You may say I'm scared of losing..
I admit.. I'm really scared of losing..
Cos I got nothing to lose but myself..

The word competition..
Totally is disgusting..
Making me wonder if I should just go ahead with how things are now..
Or should I just stop everything and prevent myself from harm..
I'm selfish.. cos I can't afford to lose..

It feels so great to be protected and all man..
Feel so great to be secured and all..
But when reality falls into place..
I hate all these leading on, if they lead on to nothing..
Well.. Leading on to nothing isn't nothing..
Cos nothing never simply nothing..
There's more to it..

I said..
"I will wait forever, if you say you'll be there too"
It's so insecure if I never know if it isn't a endless and useless wait..
But I always feel secure cos I always trust that you aren't a heartless brat..


Probably love was nurturing..
But it was these little uncertainties...
Little disgusting words..
That hindering its full bloom..

I'm holding back some for sure..
I so wanted to give it all to you..
But.. competition?
It would sound to me, giving it all is equivalent to throwing all the stakes I have into the competition..
Probably I was just too imaginative about stuffs..


I will still be letting go some of the love..
But definitely holding back to calm my fears..
My fears of not ending up with something..
In ugly words, my fear of not winning the trophy..


I really believe in "If it's meant to be urs, it's urs.."
But I'm contradicted about the process of it..
Do you need to "strive for your happiness?"
Or do you just wait and "Time will tell..."?


For now..

I'm not going to do anything more or lesser than now what I'm doing..
I'm not going to do anything special just to win the competition..
The word competition is just so not right..
It's just sooo wrong..

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sugary sweet savouring @ 2:34 PM |



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