Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Anorexia? Bulimia?!

Just came back from a run at ECP..
How am I feeling?! Blah..
Didn't feel great.. I guess..

Blister under my sole..
I should throw away my nike socks..
Nike footwear seemed to clash with me always..
Hate it!!

Dye from my hair was ran as I perspire..
Making my white Zara top reddish...
I only washed 2 times since Hong Kong..


I still have no appetite..
I beginning to feel it's not cos of HK..
Cos before HK trip, I am already having no appetite..
I don't dismiss the possibility of anorexia or bullimia...
When I feel depressed.. I can eat as though there's no tomorrow..

Now..
When I see food..
They will only tell me..
"Hey.. I'm oily and I'm fat, eat me and become like me!"
Ewww....
Dining with friends still okay..
I still eat normally..
Home or alone..
Sometimes, when I come home, I rather declared to have eaten..
Yah.. I just don't want to eat..
Gastric?! Throw some food it when it grinds..
Shut it up..
If I'm outside walking around, or at home.. Then don't bother..
No one is going to hear it grind..
Have I gotten slimmer.. nah..
That's not really my concern.. though it's subconsciously affecting my actions..
All the talks about being muscular and such..
Trying out clothes.. just depressing..
Used to be, try clothes, depressed, but uncontrollable appetite...
Now is.. try clothes.. depressed.. see food.. even more depressed..
Sometimes the thought of eating it makes me puke..
This kind of feeling feels familiar...
I feel really depressed about weight..
My appearance shouldn't be one like this..
But the heart is like this..
I'm depressed..
Someone is hoping and wanting to see how will I look if I were slimmer..
But slimming for someone, shouldn't be the aim of slimming..

Just stop talking about all these fats...
And I will slim down..
I will just add on and on if there's more and more talks about it..

BooHOoooOOooOOo

sugary sweet savouring @ 8:55 PM |



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