Saturday, August 05, 2006

Losing myself... I'm getting mental!

Yes..
Sometimes I don't think I know what I am doing...
Sometimes...
Sometimes.....


Last night I was home from Home club..
It was 12+am..
Then not long after I received a phonecall..
I guess many could guess who..


Anyway..
It was pretty dumb yesterday for me to go out...
With seeing my father's "where-the-hell-are-u-going-to" kind of look...
And my father was already not happy that I came back from pool at 1.30am the day before..
Weird right??
It's better that I didn't go home..
Then to go home late..
No logic..


Anyway............

Introducing...
Group A : Secondary school or was it primary?! school friends..
Group B : 3 crazy girls with a few guys...

Scenario 1
Group A in Phuture.
Group B in MoS.

Group A supposedly should be dispersing soon at 12+am...
But meeting time for Group B was 4am..
Cos it's dumb wasting money to spend on entry fees for 2 different clubs..

So in between the two...
The time lag...
Last minute, Group C was scheduled..
Group C = Yours truly.
On the condition that, I had to cab home myself..
Cos Group B will fill up his car...
Okay.. I'm fine cos he's picking me up from my house....


The thing is....

I reached Zouk/Velvet/Phuture at around 2am.
Entered by Velvet..
And straight away was led to Phuture..
Cos Group A was still there...
Aren't they supposed to be dispersing?!?!?!?!
It didn't seemed that they have enough of fun...

Oh.. Group A consisted of Anthon and FC's housemate...
I can't rem the house mate's name...
Apparently he was from Hall 13, and hang out with FC they all..
And.. was he from SRJC too?!
Sorry.. I really don't remember seeing him..
But thanks for flaming lambo and the beer that he treated me..
What I can only remember and relate is.. FC's housemate..
And seriously speaking..
I'm not too interested in talking to him...
And.. I don't feel he's handsome...
There's something about him that I didn't want to look at him for..
But I just don't know..
Note to Yeomin..
Can try disturbing him if you see him next time...
But just don't tell him about "I'm not too interested in talking"...
Hmm.. Or FC will do the job?!
Whatever.....

Then Group A started to go to a corner of the dancefloor...
It was freaking squeezy and cramped..
And when I finally squeeze out a comfortable area to dance...
I was pulled out for a drink by.. a-hem.. u-know-who...
Then I thought go to the bar lei...
End up going to Zouk....
*diaoz diaoz diaoz*

At Zouk, I had a tequila sunrise, he had some redbull yucky stuffs..
Most of the time there...
It was either him going out to make a phonecall..
Or me going to the washroom...
Or me stoning into blank space....
Pretty turned off when he said about the 9-month thingy...
(9-month thingy is something that no one else needs to know...)
Was really pretty disgusted and blah..
Cos I was never thinking of anything along that line..

Yes.. And the phonecalls are from Group B...
Some old man who's known as some underworld big shots was harassing one of the girls from B.
And blah blah blah blah blah...
So someone had to be hero to settle the problem...

4am..
I was led out of Zouk... out of the club...
Then I thought was walking to his car..
Never knew it was walking to cab queue to send me off...
It was so diaoz..
And sorry I didn't knew my night ended there and then...
Wasn't really enough for me..
I could have either joined Anthon they all..
Or I could have just hang around Zouk alone stoning or what...
The cab fee won't matter if I'm leaving at 4 or if I'm leaving much later, right?

I was bewildered and yucks.. felt so controlled...
Like I was being programmed to come over for 2 hours and that's it..
I had to go home...

So....
I was just being led around for that 2 hours...
Ok.. Go in by Velvet...
Ok.. Go Phuture...
Ok.. Go drink at Zouk...
Ok.. Time for ME? to go home....
HUh?!


I wonder..
Am I blinding myself..
Losing myself...
What the fuck was I doing?


So I start to walk...
Just pushed him aside.. and I just needed to walk...
Walk out my frustrations..
Walk.. I don't understand myself..
I don't understand alot of things that I'm doing...
And I don't understand what I'm doing all things for...


Beginning of the walk was so irritating with phone calls from him...
And then he probably got fed up and offering me a ride home instead...
Cos.. yes.. he's worried that I might get into trouble...
He didn't want to get himself into 2 pools of shit in the same night..
He didn't want to regret asking me out...
Oh well... Regret is nothing lah..
I'm sure I won't be the next regret he would have...
Apart from the one and only one he had...

Hello?!?!?!?!?
But since when I get into trouble?
I always smell something brewing and put out the fire before trouble matures...
I never understand how people get into trouble.
Don't know how to take care of themselves...
Even if I get into trouble..
It's not a natural reaction that I would call anyone for help, let alone to call him...

I can even get myself out of the risk of being brought to a hotel by some loser...
Well.. The loser is someone who offered to buy drinks at the counter..
So.. Just whack loh...
Downright lousy guy...
Can only think of bedding and sex...
Just made the L-O-S-E-R happy a bit by giving false hope..
I was walking behind him..
And before he knew it..
I just turned back and flagged for a cab...


My principle about guys still holds..
All guys are bastards...

Using magnifying glass and looking into fine prints...
ALL GUYS ARE HORNY BASTARDS...


See...
My sense of awareness of my surroundings is strong even though I was dead drunk...
I always believe mind over body...
The only time that I wouldn't control too much, is when I know I'm in safe hands..
And also.. when I was freaking tired and frustrated,
And drank a hell lot when I was in that mood.

There's only one way that I will take if I'm going home...
I don't see the problem of locating me...
Cos number one.. I definitely stick to the main road...
Number two.. I will definitely go by Serangoon... by NEL route..
Cos if my legs fail...
At least it's easy to flag for a cab...
Or it's easy to get a public transport..


3 hours...
3 hours was what it takes for me to walk home from Zouk...
Inclusive of a comfortable toilet break aka rest point at Hotel Rendezvous..
It was a 10-15 minutes break...

And guess what??
The whole stretch of Serangoon Road was crazily long loh....
I walked until I had the choice of taking the morning NEL or the moring bus..
But I realised my legs refused to stop...
And my Birkies were already cutting deep into my left foot...
Pain was intense at first...
But pain got numbed after some time...
I was too deep in thoughts?!
The plaster dropped in the midst of walking..
I didn't know...
Now what I can see..
Is not bloody red bruised skin caused by abrasion...
But is a slight 1cm dent into my foot with flesh exposed....

It's really a much better experience walking at night than in the day...
I could walk at a flying speed...

"Just ignore me.."
Sometimes I wonder if girls are really girls...
They probably don't mean the words that they say...
Sometimes.. I wonder if I'm a girl?!

OK...
I slept at 0730 this morning..
Woke up at 1045.
That's 3 hrs 15 mins.
Now it's 1310..
I've typed this entry and surfed web for about an hour plus since 12...
I think I should hit my bed again..
Else I will hit the keyboard then...
Nightz....

sugary sweet savouring @ 1:10 PM |



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