Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Is there no platonic friendship?

Yes, there is...

To me, there's always the end of friendship, if fling ends.
Don't toy my feelings when you didn't appreciate it in the first place.
Yes, probably I xin1 gan1 qing2 yuan4 one..
In uglier terms.. I zi4 gan1 duo4 luo4...
Many probably think that..
"If things end, no more friendship" is an act of immaturity...
To me, it's just a way to force myself let go of the "shouldn't have been" things...

After everything ended,
Don't just talk to me cos of dirty talks, sex, or hanky panky stuffs..
I felt disgusted.
That means no way to be friends anymore.

You know what's platonic friendship?
It's true friends, and never cross the line into hanky panky, lust, sex in the first place...
Even if there's lots of credits you had brought apart from the hankypanky/lust/sex...
Credits will never outweigh the hurt costs...
Cos the weightage of love in me, stand too much an important space...

Actually....
When two gets so close..
Girls, being girls har.. Are super sensitive creatures...
Whatever the guy did secretly, or try to hide from the girl...
She will know....
Somehow, she will find out, or at least sense the little secrets or lie...

Girls that kick a big fuss and make big quarrels out of those little discoveries..
Are often stupid.. Low EQ...
But at least they get the truth out of things, even though she might strained the relationship...

For me.. I often belong to the latter...
Girls that had discoveries...
Will not expose the guys of their lies and secrets..
They will only weep alone, and even worse, when thoughts run wild...
They will only keep quiet, and observed happenings...
Even if you ask them to turn a blind eye, and enjoy the happiness..
They will also very well, willing to do so..
They only have a simple wish..
No.. I mean...
I only have a simple wish..
To be with someone that will never leave me...
Someone who will grow old with me...
And after we become old.. reminisce of the romance we had..
I'm still the same Simple Girl with a Simple wish, 3... 4.. 5... years ago...

Is it so hard to fulfill that simple wish?!

Now my main concern is..
I need to graduate...
I need to graduate..
I really really need to graduate...
I feel so stressed out..

Any other things that's going to bother me now..
Or is already bothering now..
I have a very clear plan in mind...

Things are very clearly not meant to be for me...
Yet, it's so hard not to fall for it..
Things may refer to humans as well...

Everyday, every night.. I will just slap myself, hoping to wake myself out of things..
But everyday and night.. I found myself going deeper and deeper into it..
Day and night, feeling more and more miserable, when things remain ambiguous...
Sometimes, happy thoughts outweigh the negative ones...
I can be a happy girl throughout the week...
When the thought that keep telling me, life isn't that easy for me..
Things will never be that smooth..
Even worse.. thinking that things will not turn out the way I wished for..
I will feel totally devastated..
Tears are uncontrollable...

To some people.... Money is their main concern..
To some people.... Sex is their main concern...
To some people.... Looks is their main concern...
Whatever...
To me.. Love seemed to be my main concern..
No matter how hard hearted I look..
No matter how much strong front I had...
I'm a very vulnerable girl..

Probably, I have to wait till tears dried, and the well for this time round had been demolished..
Then, it's time for me, to just cut off and severe all ties...
It's too big a blow, if something undesirable got to hit me regarding this current wish...

Okay.. It's a teary night today..
The little talk over my dinner..
Sent the little "me"s in me, quarrelling..
And the voice that says.. "I told you to give up! No point holding on and hurting yourself!"
And the voice that says.. "No.. Strive for what you want..."
Another says "Just wait.. Didn't you say you'll wait..?"
The next rebukes "But he didn't say he'll be there.. Did he?"
Another says "Nothing will go more that close friends, no more than very close friends.."


OKAY....
SUSAN is going to stop EMO-ing again..
I have to stop..
Quiz on Monday..
I can't believe that I want to go MoS on Thursday...
September11.. is an important day apart from quiz..
I feel so stressed..
I have to stop tearing and go and sleep..
And tomorrow start revising for my quiz during my 5 hour break!

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sugary sweet savouring @ 2:28 AM |



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