Saturday, September 16, 2006

Lousy week.. SICK

I felt as though I'm dying..
Sick.
Blocked nose..
A thin film of mucus lined the inside on nasal airway...
All the way to where the throat is...
Then from throat down.. it's sore throat and cough.. whatever..
Totally opposite from what's up there..
Dry from throat and below..
But so wet up there through the nasal airway.

Sometimes I wish I could be dying..
Sometimes I wonder if I was too strong...
3 hours of talk with my disciple in the TV lounge...
It might sound long..
But it was deemed as very short, I feel...
Being too heartless.. being too rationale...
Is it really a plus.. or a minus...?
Don't people always say, must know how to let things go?
I wonder if I really.. give things up too easily...
I wonder why, as I grow older.. Giving up is so difficult..

Some moments.. I wish they will never go..
Some moments.. I wish they will never appear at all..
Some questions, had been remained unasked..
Cos I just didn't want to hear if the answers weren't the ones I want to hear.
Some people might ask, what if the answers are pleasing to my ears?
I don't know.
I had too little confidence in myself...
Never been acknowledged by any guys in relationship..
Probably one or two.. but none was lasting..
Percentage of being denied, in terms of feelings was high..
I didn't want to risk that few happy moments with such questions..

Love.. is blind..
Cos one would rather see the other brighter side of the story...
Love.. is foolish..
Cos sometimes, when things are quite clear...
One will refuse to see it, and take it..
They rather weep over it.. and pretend that nothing happened..

I'm a cursed person..
Nothing will go my way..
Happiness won't come so easily...
Or at least..
After many times..
I had no confidence at all...
All happy things will end for me...........
True love will never have happy endings..
Cos true love never end..
I don't even see the word L. O. V. E.

I'm always known as "someone not worth knowing", isn't it?
It always sound hurting..
Wrenched my heart..
I'm just someone insignificant, is it?
Yes.. I'm probably someone insignificant..
I'm a nobody..
What I say.. What I do.. All my intentions..
Is just nothing... Is just insignificant... Not worth knowing...

Okay.. probably sick has gotten not only to my physical health..
But to my emotion health too..
Being sick makes me feel so much to want to be with someone..
Yet.. The lousy confidence level just smash everything...
Someday.. this someone will end up leaving me..
Or maybe.. his heart was never with me..

All and all.. it's not about me having no trust in him..
It's me having no confidence in myself..
Probably I starting to get whiney and letting thoughts run wild..
Yes yes.. I should go to sleep by means of someone's telekinesis...
It's all me.. the one who is wrong.. spouting nonsense..
It's me... the whiney baby..
It's me.. the crybaby when the inner voice kept asking me to give up..
It's me.. I'm the mental girl..
I'm the sick one..

Some people seek for wealth..
Some people seek for health..
Some people seek for lust...
Some people seek for fame...
Some people seek for faith..
Some people seek for hope...
But for me.. I seek only for love.. That one and only love...
Simple wish for years.. Never been fulfilled..
Will it ever be fulfilled?!

sugary sweet savouring @ 2:06 AM |



0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com