Saturday, November 11, 2006

My last entry before the clock strikes 12, and I turn 24..

Whenever emotions hit the top..
I mean.. I was really happy... over the moon..
Uncertainities brought along slight insecurities...
That the happiness wasn't there for me forever..

And eventually falls into the area..
Starting to feel paranoid of losing and being all alone again..
Worse still, fear seeing the one get attached with another one..
Without having things sort out clearly..


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The first time experiencing it..
Was a total trama..
From then..
It's really hard for me to believe that love ever exists..
How could love exist, when it takes one month? or so..
To get together with another person..
A person whom you knew long time ago..
And somehow somewhat clicked...


What is love?

SEX? being STICKY? being... I don't know?
What exactly is love..?
Love is a beautiful thing, isn't it?

Or at least..
It's hard for me to believe that such a beautiful thing will befall on me..


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For me,
I don't believe in love..
It's hard for me to believe that anyone will truly love me..

But I know when I love someone..
He will be placed of high priority above many other things...
He need not be always out with me..
He need not be worried of me being angry or pissed or what..
My temper won't last...
My moodswings can easily be soothed with a nice warm hug..



Birthday wish this year..
Is very simple..

A hint of it..

"It's gonna be LOVE baby.."

When will I update my status to "Happily Dating"?



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Yes.. Chunky.. It's unhealthy..
Yes.. Yeomin.. The bubble may burst one day..
Yes.. I fully aware..

Love's probably a gamble...
Without gambling all your emotions and love in it..
You will never know if someone is worth of you doing so..

I'm a risk-taker actually..
I dare to go all out to gamble..
Bare my emotions, bare it all..
Heartaches, tears and depression are the returns, when love isn't reciprocated..

But that will not stop me, from loving someone I love..
Cos I believe.. One day.. Someone will return me with as much love..
Not necessarily to be actions of love..
Just need to know the deepest-most feelings for each other is true and forever..
And only that, will make me believe that all guys aren't heartless bastards..


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As I mentioned in the previous blog entry..
90% of the blog this year was mainly on someone..
I felt that my blog this year was somewhat boring as compared to the previous year..
Cos I will only end up with life around that someone..
And seldom around others...
This year's blog entries..
I felt like a loser blogger..
Loser as in..
If you happen to read my entries over months..
You might read about entries that you might feel...
"Oh.. She's feeling this way again huh..?"

I'm a lousy blogger this year..
No interesting topics..
All and all are about my life..
And seemed constipated over certain issues..
Issues that never get resolved, and kept repeating..

I do have interesting topics that I had recorded on paper..
Chucked in my drawer below this pc at home..
But I just didn't have the energy or time to do so..



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What's up after exams?

Piano and driving lessons resume..
Already booked my driving lessons..
Mostly on weekdays 1020 - 1200 hr.

Paintball war on 7 Dec with G & gang..
Wakeboarding with Alex?!
Maybe should just go for it and try that first with him..
Rollerblading?! Either get high on wheels, or die of wheels..

sugary sweet savouring @ 9:40 PM |



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