Monday, September 12, 2005

End of week... Recalling... 2 years ago

This post is meant for Friday, June 15, 2007.
Posted here, cos I didn't want to create uproar..
It's just my turmoil..

At this end of the week....

There's accummulated things in the emotion department.
There's an urge to blog the unbloggables....

The journey back home from work...
An hour to do some emotional management...
To formulate what should be written, what should not...

Assessing the situation... the past and the present...
Assessing the similarities...
Assessing the decisions.... and the outcome of the past history...

There're many things... I can't blog...
There're many things... just for me to know, and for you to find out.
And if ever any of you find out......
Nah.. It's better not to know anything at all..

I shan't comment...
But I shall just comment on this past history...



Recalling a similar case in history...
Recalling that I previously had blogged the aftermath of that part of history...
I went back to find that post.. where I posted the aftermath of 5 HIMs...
If you are so free to track back...
I ended the post with this..


ALL I WANTED WAS PROBABLY JUST A COMPANION... Hmm.. Yes.. What I probably need was just companionship. I needed a companionship to talk to, go home with, to dine with, to watch tv with, to cook with, to cuddle with, to spend my time with, to smile with, to even do nothing but just spend time together with, to get married to, to have children with, to grow old with... doing things together as a routine, or as a norm... Smooth sailing would be good. Romance? I had once, I no longer wanted it that much, cos I fear the consequences it would bring... Once bitten, twice shy... For those who still believes it romance, go ahead. I'm not really into that. All I want, was just practical things. I just want a simple home, a husband, our monthly income would allow us to survive very comfortably in Singapore. There wasn't a need to be luxury. Occasional pampering would do. What I probably need, was someone by my side.
Probably I wouldn't be that lost then.
I guess.. Once bitten.. twice still not shy...
Some things are really exactly what happened 2 years ago..
Some things are really re-enactments...
Some things spoken.. are really.. word for word.. what I had heard 2 years ago...
Many things are just getting too similar.. far too similar...



To that HIM 2 years ago...
I supposed this 2 years ago "HIM" is probably reading this too...
There's no return to the past anymore..
Not even comfortably as friends anymore...
Not cos I met some other people along the way..
Not cos of any other reasons that you can think of...
It's just simply the 3 words that came out of your mouth...
The 3 words you said, after things nearly came to the light, and you went back to her...
These 3 words, just killed that Susan who loved you then..
"No Strings Attached"

The feelings died there and then...
It will never die due to what happened between me and this HIM in the past..
It's about what happened after that...
Even though now, both of us are both eligible...
The things that this HIM is capable of doing in the dark...
Scares me..
I'm so glad that I'm not the other one who is being kept in the dark...
I'm thankful, that HE, HIMSELF, HIS actions after the whole episode, disappointed me...
If HIS girl is like this other girl June... they probably won't break up like now..

June and hubby had been together for ages...
June's hubby has this 'underground' relationship with this girl Ruby even before marriage...
(So-called 'underground' that all the friends can sense it.. but they are in absolute denial)
And we all believe June knows it, but just bear with it...

June, Ruby and the hubby..
So long as Ruby and the hubby are still like this..
In our eyes, it's just a tragedy..
June deserves a much much better guy...
The hubby was a great guy, but the case of Ruby, is just so disappointing..
It's just a great pity.
That this HIM had let me seen the other side of him....
Else, it's easy to resume the good memories we shared, if HE didn't killed that love in me..
Cos I treasure all these good memories alot...


It's like that show 杜十娘...
杜十娘 asked her maid 十两 to seduce her hubby-to-be... to test him...
And yes, he indeed passed the test in front of 杜十娘...
杜十娘 acted angry and slap her maid... and the maid ran to the backyard, crying..
Disappointingly, this hubby-to-be ran to the backyard...
Kissed and hugged the maid.. and said he loved her... and will come back for her..


There's always this limit to things....
It's easier to mark an end to things... than to be surprised by aftermath...

In terms of 杜十娘, he will remain as the perfect scholar guy....
If he will not run back and kissed and hugged the maid..


History.. if really had re-enacted.. I really still can't believe it...
Has it really happened?!
I really can't believe it, and can't bring myself to treat you like how I treated HIM...
I can't bring myself to make all these into a blank sheets..

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sugary sweet savouring @ 7:29 PM |



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