Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My operation scar...

The accident that left that scar on my face...
And made me lost confidence of myself...
A scar that may not be too visible, but it's just made me feel ugly.
But after one year, I have grown used to that scar...
I don't even remember its existence.. till I touch that area... cos that it still hurts.


I had enough of scars.

That long big operation scar had been there since 5...
It took me 10-odd years to overcome the idea....
That it's okay to wear clothes that can't cover that scar...
The red dress.. was something I will never wear, if I still hadn't get over the scar...

The long scar across the chest...
It has became a part of me, that I totally forgotten about it...
Till the make-up artiste asked his assistant to put some concealor over the scar...
Till near the end of dinner, my relatives started talking about it...
Then, I became self-conscious again..
My relatives even asked... 'Didn't you have intentions of doing laser and remove it?'



20 years...
I've been living with this scar for 20 years...
I realised it's all cos from young...
Whenever I tried on clothes that revealed that bit of scar..
My mum commented on it, and asked me not to get it...

I realised this...
If your loved ones couldn't accept that scar.. a little kid, like me, couldn't accept as well..
I really liked that sailor dress... which unfortunately reveals like... 1-2cm of the scar...

My relatives asked if I thought of remove the scar via laser...
Laser the scar? No way...
The scar... had too many memories... Good.. Bad...

My first days or weeks in Primary One...
I was being flashed in front of my whole class...
My form teacher then, probably never knew what she did that day, had this much of impact...
She asked me to the front..
She wanted to explain to others, why I can't PE...
And she wanted them to keep a lookout for me, if I wasn't feeling good..
I didn't know why there's a need to visualise....
She just unbuckle my belt, lifted up my pinafore to my neck...

Yes... In front of the whole class...

Just to show that scar..
She got no idea how upset I felt..


That scar.. memories good and bad....
I will never remove this scar of mine..

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