Sunday, July 22, 2007

Talking to Jan.. on the stare-blank date

It was happy meeting up Janice for the stare-blankly date..

Talking about split personalities...
She said, 'At least I got to know the existence of the other personality?!'
Yah.. Knowing the existence, and yet unable to control and suppress it is torturous.

Year 1.. at the age of 19..
I really truly experienced someone who had total personality split.
My friend's mum.
So scary. So so scary.
She had to be hospitalised, tied up to the bed...
And she said hurtful words to the husband..
I saw how much pain that split personality had caused to the family..
It was totally terrible..
Even me.. I feel the pain..

All of these, cos she probably had suppressed herself, feeling upset and weak..
When some other people kept poking on her weakness..
Then one day, the other 'her' took over...
And 'she' said.. I'm not ur mum..
'I'm some.... ' I don't want shen2 duno what...
She assumed a mystical character, or even a god...
And said 'ur mum was merely tired...' (so she took over?!)
It was like.. she was speaking in a totally different tone..
So loud, so firm, so powerful, so.. almighty...



It takes alot to face.. yourself..
Something Jude said.. you have to be able to take care of yourself, before others..
Hmm..
If I can't face myself, who else can?
Got to build on that will of mine..
I'm strong in all aspects, except weak-willed when face by myself..
I got to build on that, be stronger...

It's already a step, knowing that this personality is not I want..
It's already a step, that I attempted what I did last time..
And I know that was not what I want..
I will be more firm, and get all these dark history in early 20s out...

Out out out!



*****************


We talked about ego man...
Actually, I told her, it's the way of communication that's all...

Yes, concerned and being straightforward to what you have on mind is one thing..
But ego man, elder than you, will think that you are just challenging his authority..
Making him feel small and stuffs..

I understand both concerns..
But it just take a little change in tone, and rephrasing of words..
It might just get the objective through into an ego man's heart/brain...

If first time approach to this issue, ended up in the ego man walking away/shunning the topic..
Everytime you approach with that same way, just won't do..
Cos he will think that things will end up in the same way, and nothing gets communicated again..

Like what I said about my bro1's incident that evening...
I can choose to say what actually happened...
And recite what was the sequence and rationale of different people's actions and stuffs...
But I choose not to, cos knowing my bro too well..
It will just end up sounding like us, trying to stand on my bro2's side..
I just dismiss it as..
It's a decision made.. What's the point of arguing how the decision was made..?
And the decision was made according to his wishes.. what else more does he want to argue?!

It's just the approach..
My rationale me had finally got back its place...
I'm glad to be able to think rationally again..
In cases that I'll at a disadvantage, I shall just step back and wash my hands out of it...

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sugary sweet savouring @ 11:40 AM |



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