I can't multi-task.

For now I know.
I can't multi-task.
Multi-task in coping emotions in different areas of life is exhausting.
Did anyone actually care for me?
Care for how I feel?
Do I exist in this world at all?


I can handle stress and tonnes of workload from work. I can really handle it.
I can handle little unhappy in the emotion department.
Like how quality time felt interrupted by phonecall.
A little unhappy, but I can easily forget.
I can keep up with my friends, and meet up and meet up and meet up.
I can always put my cheerful front no matter what happens.
I can help my family do things, at the expense of my rest time.
I can kena tmd attitude from tmd people, and the little pissed off feeling goes off.

I can do all these.. but not all at the time.
Not all in the span of a week, 5 days.

I cannot handle stress and tonnes of workload, when I'm not having enough concentration.
I cannot handle that little unhappy, when quality time within this busy period is soo much treasured, yet.. it just felt interrupted..
I can meet up and meet up.. but not when I wasn't able to let go of bothering issues...
I cannot put up my cheerful front.. I found that my battery running low..
I have to make my parents unhappy on the very beginning of my Saturday..
Cos I'm really soooo tired to go and queue to apply/pay carpark thingy..
I felt so upset that I have to make them unhappy.


To my maid, I'm sorry.
I'm really burned out to appear at the focus group thingy for ur fyp.
To all that had attempted to ask me out...
Janice, Dawn, Zhihao, Cheryl, Becky? Who else..
I'm sorry. Even more sorry if I didn't even reply.
I so tired that holding a hp and keying a sms is a chore..
It's even upsetting for me to turn down dates/offers to meet up for dinner.
To Daryl, sorry huh..
I really wanted to pay your mum a visit..
I'm really too occupied. It's been a month plus ever since I said I wanted to go..


Too much things.
I can't multi-tasking at coping emotions at different areas of life at the same time..
Can't multi-task at coping even the mildest emotions, even though it varied in different areas.

I wanted to stay at home and not be an eyesore to my parents.
But can I?
I can't even stay at home and sleep all I want.
Or rest all I want.
Can I just lock myself in my room, and blast music?
Can I just ignore all the phonecalls in the living room?
I really just want to sleep.
I just don't want to move.

What's wrong with this house?
I can't rest in my own home? Where can I rest?
Moving three people's things around the three rooms.
Why am I always the only one doing it?
I'm very tired.
I'm exhausted.

I need to stop tears from falling since morning..
I need to stop all these.
I need to fall asleep.
I need to be in space, when I'm not being interrupted.
I don't mind all the things I do.. So long as not interrupted.
Interruptions frustrate me.
I need to calm emotions.
I need a hug, my homely sayang.
I.. I..

Just ignore me. I'm not in my usual self.
Let me tear till tired, and till then probably I can rest finally..
Tearing = releasing pressure, releasing emotions?
I can't control it. Just let it flow......

Labels: breaking down, Emotions, Not Happy, Random thoughts, Rantings, Upset