Looks.Appearance.

Are looks and appearance so important?
Do people really generally prefer to be with generally pleasant looking people?

I don't call myself gorgeously pretty..
At least, not ugly.
At least, can still fall in the average range.

I often wonder..
If I don't have complexion of mine, that doesn't need maintenance..
If I don't have hair of mine, that stays silky and smooth without treatment/maintenance..
If I don't have that smile of mine...
If I don't have that cheerful outlook of mine..
If I don't have those what my friends will say.. big boobs..
Will anyone fall for me?


I really really rather be a normal, ugly girl...
At least the one who declare love to me, I won't be afraid like I did recently...
Afraid, hence, ran away.

Seen too many guys.
Can't any good guys be really good?
Or in this era, good guys aren't like what I think they are?
Thought getting out of things is a relief..
Nevertheless, the fear in me has again awakened..
I just didn't want to continue to discover more disappointment to my definition of good guy.
I really rather meet a bad guy and discover his good..
Than to meet a good guy and discover his bad...

Or is it that really.. all guys are horny?
All guys are just totally sex-driven?


Well..
Really...
Foundation have to be strong..
Understanding have to be bridged and achieved...
Feelings have to be felt...
Before intimacy comes into place huh?

Else things just seemed to be rushed..
And carried an underlying meaning..
That the guy is just horny...?


Not a sudden purge of emo.
Just feeling bothered.
Questions asked about the short lived relationship...
I couldn't answer much....
I could never state what exactly happened that's disappointing here..
Neither will I say it to any others..
Probably he didn't know what happened too..
Just he didn't know how feary I am to certain things..
Just.. simply.. me.. the problem..
And I chose to hide it, and runaway...



What exactly is love?
Does true love ever apply to me at all?

What if one day I met an accident?
Either disfigured...
Or.. lose a limb or what..

What if one day I contracted some disease or cancer or what?
Either lose all my hair..
Or.. lose a boob or two..

Who will ever want me at all?


Till now..
The only people I believe I can depend on is my family.
No matter what happen..
They will always be there....
Though many things I didn't say, cos don't want them to worry..
I know, they will care, if they know my thoughts..

Yes. Here I am.
Total no confidence of the magic word love.
A word that I respect alot.
Yet, have not found one that belong to me.
Or at least, have not found any that assure me.

A simple girl with a simple wish.
And just a simple need.
A need for acknowledgement.
In love, I need acknowledgement.
Status. Once that I thought by waiting, I could achieved.
Now. Status is a need to assure myself.
Status is an acknowledgement, a security.
Status. It feels good when ur loved one is proud to introduce u as the other half.

When will be the time...
To achieve status, stable foundation, real feelings, true understanding?

When will this time come?

Labels: Emotions, Love, Random thoughts