Hostility

Looking from my behaviour and actions..
I guess, from experience..
I believe that there is never platonic friendship between me and my guy friends..
Exceptionally few are Leo, Chunky...
Weird to say, the two above said, are just quite himbos.. hehe..


I guess, previously the case in Secondary up to just before university..
Was an upset one..
A friend who kept saying interested in my dear buddy, end up liked me instead...
I never felt so cheated and idiotic before...
All the efforts of helping to search your guitar chords and stuffs online..
Cos not everyone have internet access then..
Like.. this and that.. so cheated!
I can't stand people who liked me, made use of any other people as an excuse to get near.
I don't understand why have to guai3 wan1 mo4 jiao3...
Like say lah.. I say no chemistry.. please stop bothering like a pest..
Else I'll just treat you as a pest..


Goodwill, kindness..
If they are motives to get into my good books...
Just forget about it..
I'm sorry, but I'm judgemental via my own feelings..
I trust my own instincts..
Like renting a car, wanting to give me a lift for an event...
Planning that like a month or more beforehand...
Sorry.. I can't accept such kindness...
It will only make me feel uncomfy...
If I really have feelings for any people.. such little acts make me over the moon..
For if I don't, I just think by accepting the kindness, I will misled anyone on..

Meet ups meet ups meet ups...
I don't wish to meet up that often, catching up too often..
I don't wish to, when I don't wish to mislead..
I trust my intuition..
Sorry, if my intuition depicted the wrong intentions..
I just have to protect myself, and be fair to any of you who want to waste time on me..



Right person at the right time.
That's what most people say.
I believe it is right to some extent..

There was a right person.. but met too early..
So we parted..

For me, at every point of time, there will either be none or only one right person in my life..
Never more than one....
When there's none, you may try your luck...
Cos one ever got into my life...
But when there's one right person, you just have to back off...
Cos I will only pin hopes and wishes on this right person to make me happy..
Any little acts from this right person is good enough to make my day..
Even to the littlest thing like a sms of goodnight....
Easily contented? Whatever you say..
I like such happy.. sweet feelings...

No matter what happen..
No matter how much effort I put in any relationship, that I decided to make it work..
At the end of any.. I will only say.. maybe he isn't the right one afterall...
I needed to move on to find someone who can appreciate me better..

You see, In love..
When people fall out of love.. they became unhappy...
And just because their efforts wasn't appreciated...
The next person they fall for, they will just stop doing things they did for the person before..
But.. is it fair to this next person?
He or She isn't the one who let you down, and not appreciate what you've done..
Why punish him/her, by putting one less effort in the relationship?
Things like.. Driving her home every other day..
Things like.. Calling him/her every night just to check out how he/she was...
Things like.. Putting all others a higher priority than relationship..
Cos all others don't hurt you as much as how a broken relationship could hurt you..
Physical pain won't hurt you as much as emotional pain..

You can't punish the previous person..
So you deprived the next person of it..
So.. who are you punishing at the end of it??
Punishing the next person...
Punishing yourself from not enjoying fully how happy relationship can be...
Pain and hurt, always overwhelmed and made people forgotten how they were once happy..
Not indulging in the next or the next next or the next next next relationship, wholeheartedly..
You will never feel any relationship better than the previous..
Cos one after the next, you only learned to erect walls after walls, and shut yourself out...
You will only become more and more lonesome and shut everyone else out..
How can such a person be happy..?

Such a person can only end up hanging up with his/her friends every now and then..
Hanging out bars... pubs.. drinking down his/her sorrows..
Or hiding at home... Watching anime.. youtube.. gaming.. porn-ing.. potato couch-ing..
What else?
How can such person who shut him/herself out of the happiness of L-O-V-E, enjoy the fruits of love..?


Saying so much..
Hostility is what I do to those not-my-right-person..
Cos I will never wish to give false hopes or give wrong impression...
Happy, friendly is my character..
A character that easily draw people close to me...
Please don't think any further, cos there's only one right person at a moment for me..
And this right person, seemed unchanged for quite some time..
Although I probably say isn't the best.. but feels right..
Yeap. I go by feeling. Feel right, feel happy... Though still somewhat missing..

Labels: Friends, Love, Random thoughts