Destroyer

Amazingly.
I was probably stressed up by myself.
I should just announced that I could no longer handle matters of the heart.
A system corrupted.

I did something last night.
I think to keep stress away from myself.
I have to finally speak and turn people down straight in the face.
Jan, you are right, why say things and spoil it between me and zk..
But I just can't let anyone nice to waste time on me.
I'm a destroyer. I probably said things to spoil it.
Now I feel less stressed up, and it's a relief.


I'm already in a mess, and I can't take my heart back from where it was yet..
It's really easy to just start everything afresh with someone new..
But I have to be sure it isn't just a rebound.

Clearing my head.
My heart has to be shot dead, to stop it from following woofy.
Is it some black magic that have been played upon me??


My life is messed up.
It has been messed up for years...
And just when it got peaceful...
It got messsed up again for the past two years..
And it's just a question mark if the third year is gonna be as messed up too.
And yah.. Messed up cos I allowed things to do so??

Yes. I have the power to end everything.
Just to run away, and keep a deaf ear to everything.
Shoot my heart dead, and be like how I was last time when Leo first saw me after JC.
But I just can't do it.

Heart, a scary organ.
When it overrules the head, it will not easily give up that seat again.


Sometimes I wonder..
Where's Leo when I needed him to lend me his shoulders to cry...
Where got such buddy that disappear for so long one??
Better don't just come to find me just cos you are upset again!!
I will just ARGH!!!

Labels: Me