Sunday, January 27, 2008

Joke played on Me

A busy and tiring week of the wake and proceedings had passed.

Back to my current life.
I felt as though it was a big joke played on me.
What am I talking about?
What more can I say other than guys...

Previous years, it's always me and some other girl, and a guy..
May it be just fling, or what.
And many a times when I was in early twenties..
I opt out, cos if the guy's decision was hard to make...
Most probably, the guy don't know what he wants...
And I'll be better off, giving up, and wandering around for more..
Not as if there isn't guys out there right?

After my lorry accident, where I experienced shock and extreme pain..
I abstained my life from guys and relationship..
I felt a child reborned in myself, but still... many call me mum, mother, mama... lol
Cos of all my supper sessions in my room.
Really missed those times...

Skip skip two years, cos too much had been said..
Say until rotten liaoz and still feel so rotten...



Lately, it's just a turn of tables...
And seems like my turn to face suitors, and decisions..
Enjoying the best of both worlds, I had always been one of the worlds..
Now.. It seems to be my turn to enjoy the best of many worlds...
Feels good?
Nope. I felt pressurised.
How to solve this situation?
Give some time bah..
Cos guys during chasing period, and after chasing period, are different...
Or just have to see if things are just honeymoon period, or not.
Sounds so much like I'm attached?
Erh.....?! I can only say there are people feeling attached to me, calling me their dear...
Or at least my philosophy of being attached is 'when someone ask me to be their gf'...
But even if now, if anyone were to pop the gf question, I will have difficulties answering..


Up-to-date, at least I know someone wants me right now, and at the very moment..
It's a very sweet and loving feeling..
And I know with him, I can always switch off my brain, and just be a no-brainer.
Cos he'll take care of all other things....
And most importantly, it was a good emotional support last week..
The only 'but' lies in me..
All these matters to the heart..
There's always a first-come-first-serve basis..
It can't be whole-heartedly now..
Cos it's just messy, like what I told him last night.

I don't believe that anyone can give 100%.. or weigh love in percentage...
I believe that anyone who had passed through your life...
May it be just a little cooperation, little short love story... or anything..
I believe that such people will take up that small space in your life..
I would think that love-turn-hate is scary..
And people who tend to forget about those people, are not worth liking..
Cos I will think that, if things don't work out, I will just be forgotten..



And another one who wants me, yet kept saying timing not right.
Timing will probably never be right...
And many a times..
I felt it's much more a relief if time can turn back...
And we don't beyond just a he-say-hi, but-I-simply-ignore-and-walk-away.
In that way, Life won't be a turbulence now..
The feeling now..
I often wonder, if it's just a matter of too used to having each other by the side..
Reached the stage where everything's seemed taken for granted for each other...
Sometimes, too much drama, is just tiring..
What's the point of not letting me go...
When just a phonecall will upset his appetite, and mood, and even giving up the movie tix..?
Drama that occur again and again, it's a matter of time, the audience will get bored of it.
I'm not upset about what happened. I'm just tired about it. TIRED.
Happy times are Happy times.
They are different entities as recuring unnecessarily irritating events.
My mood will always be high and happy, and never deserve to be swung about by such events.


And a few other guys, just have to try their luck to meet up with me first..


Over the week of mourning,
My relatives started the topic of getting married again..
And I say.. Headache.. and suggested to them..
Maybe I should just bring some photos, and ask them to make a decision.
Then I won't be held responsible for turning away guys?! hehe.



Joke played on Me; Tables turned round.
It seems like I have all the time to enjoy best of many worlds..
World of my girlfriends included.
Count it on luck or what..
Everyone are busy.. and their non-busy days are always some other's busy days.
So.. I can meet you... you.. you... and YoU!
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday... blah blah blah..
Until I felt that 7 days a week aint enough for me just for dating...

Tiring. Yes. It's tiring.
I really want to restart my life.
Occupy it with my own things, and not just dates...
My own things... Not many huh.. Must think about it..

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sugary sweet savouring @ 12:21 PM |



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