Something-phobic.

Last night gathering at Raymond's place..
It was like reliving hall life for a few hours..
Time always passed super fast, when the few of us gather around and start crapping..
Of course...
As usual.. I'm the one with the target board, where everyone start suan-ing me..
Ok.. That's what always happen, when I'm with the seniors....
You see.. Seniors always bully juniors...
So when they left, and I became the senior...
I became the bully!!
But of course, super welfare the kids with my Yummy Kitchen..
Now to think of it..
The last Yummy Kitchen was in 2006? Wow.


Ok.. So much so for deviating the topic..
Yeap..
I was the suan target...
And Cat just have to keep her mouth shut, and behave like Hello Kitty (no mouth)...
Cos everytime she speaks, it's like taking a rock and smash onto her own feet...
Cos she just drew all the suaning arrows away from me, and onto herself...
But everytime.. Just as I thought the suaning arrows had all diverted...
Someone will just suddenly, no matter how irrelevant the topic is..
They can just link it back to me, and suan me again..
What the....

I think the most funny part was my company's name..
Pronounced as "Fooo-You"
And people go.. HUH?!
Then I go... "F-U. Y-U"
And they just have to interpret it as...
"F-yoU. (But) whY-yoU?"
Ok... Funny.. hur hur hur......


One surprising thing, was the news of a break-up..
Reason being..
If you know you reached the stagnant stage..
And the next is marriage...
Yet you can't move to that stage..
Then it's time to move on and not waste time.

True... But come to think of it..
If after marriage, and you reach a stagnant stage..
You can't possibly divorce right??? Oh well..

Raymond immediately just had to jump to him and his wife as example...
10 over years, and they finally tied the knot during last December..
You just have to find pleasure within your relationship, to keep to flame going...

Well....
For me, I can't imagine how I will react to long relationship..
Maybe, I already have phobia of relationships..
Such that I don't stay in one for long enough....
Sometimes, I thought I rather be alone than to be with the wrong guy..?
But then, I really don't wana miss my chance of being a mum, and starting a family...
And also the fun of going through my own wedding...

But the fact that, I had never stay in the name of Boyfriend-Girlfriend for more than a year..
Or at least not a sneaky status...
Like hardly hold hands when go out, like during my JC years..
Think, most of the time we go out...
Either to Popular to top up Council stationery...
Or go Toy-R-Us to check out any interesting board games that we could bring into the school..
Though we say loan to others..
We will often find ourselves playing and teaching others how to play...
Like the battleship thingy, or what...

Yah.. The fact that I had never stayed in the name of Bf-Gf official for long...
It makes it very difficult to imagine if anyone would hold my interest till the end of time...
Starting to make myself sound like a big flirt...
It's just that people come and go in my life.. so fast... so frequently...
I really don't have that much of confidence in a long lasting ones...
Even some long lasting ones just come to a red light just like that...
What more can I say for anyone to start it at late 20s...
Yah.... Come to think of it.. I have phobia of relationships...
I sometimes just destroy my own happiness, and just became an escapist..
And run as far as I could...

Do I feel better?
At least I was the one to destroy it...
Not having high hopes, and get destroyed and shattered hopes...
Just like a few years ago..
It's not a sore feeling... It's a phobia....
To have thought that someone who loves you so much...
And to found out a month after distancing, he got hitched with someone else...
And all these while, you are just missing him yet you are so stubborn to admit...
Well.. So what if someone loves you so much?
Guys can't survive loneliness..
Whenever they are down or lonely, and someone just enter their life..
They will just be swept away...

So what's eternity? What's forever?
Bullshit?! Or just have to prove me otherwise...
I'm sick. I have a phobia. Cure me, if you can.

Labels: Gatherings, Love, Me