Tuesday, August 26, 2008

"BELIEVE IN YOURSELF" - quoted by the DRAGON WARRIOR

My heart sinking, sink, sank, sunk.

There's just something so wrong.

I felt I was better at handling things when I was back in CAC.
Rather than now.
Just not breatheable.

Why does everyone have no confidence in me?
Or maybe just too overly concerned in me...
Or maybe.. happy go lucky outlook doesn't go along well with able to take care of myself?

Maybe I should stop being the kai1 xin1 guo3...



When people worry about me, I feel SO useless.
I don't understand why.. in my life.. I kept have to do things to prove people wrong..
Maybe colleagues and friends have to draw a line..
Too close a colleague, I don't even understand if it's your point of view or boss'...
It just feels so stuck.

And just suddenly one day, 2-3 people kept bugging me on the same point..
And worst thing, not telling me the root of the problem.
Beating around the bush will just add to frustrations..
Especially to people that I've already considered close friends.



Sometimes I wonder that cool lady is really that cool..
Or is it that it's easy office politics for her...
I still don't understand her..
And I should really never take my guard off her.

Foe or friend.
Telling boss over teleconference when we were here.
That might have to stay throughout the complete 90 days..
Or might have to stay till Sept 5.
Back in office, telling him I have things to settle.
I DIN'T KNOW THAT I'M STAYING LONGER COS I HAVE THINGS TO SETTLE.
If I know.. Why would I want to create MORE THINGS for myself to settle?!

PISSED.
Very PISSED.
MAYBE.. I SHOULD SAY a bg THANK YOU for giving me grace to settle my things?!



My fault. I've overlooked on the point of company's interest.
Cos I was too bugged by personal reasons..
Too bugged by.. why people just over-worry...
Worry until I scared if I will really get myself in trouble..
Everyday. I SO SCARED I GET INTO TROUBLE.
And make everyone goes.. "THERE! I TOLD U!! U CAN'T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF"
Frustrated.


I gotta get a grip..
I have to be more composed.
I have to behave like I used to.
I have to keep emotions at bay.


I WANT TO GO HOME.

Not cos I'm so yearning to go home.
I'm just tired to be guessing what's happening back in the office.

I need to get a grip.
I need to be more composed.
Emotionally unstable?!
I feel my EQ going low.. ever since I get to know Yvonne.
Lost my patience in her.. And losing it in many things.
I'm losing myself.

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sugary sweet savouring @ 12:36 AM |



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